So there will be no photos to illustrate all the fun and the glamorous life we live on Slow Flight in this blog post….even though I know that is what most people want. However, what comes with all the fun shown in our blog posts, there are lots of little crazy moments that come with it too. I decided to write about an “event” that had been building in my head and heart and finally came to fruition at Pangkor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let me remind you, and me, that we had been traveling with lots of other boats…lots of other people…constantly going to rally events…and let’s not forget our time in Lombok (school building) for almost 5 months straight. Now if you know me at all, you know I am a super social person, an extravert, and love hosting dinners (or happy hours) and giving to those in need. But I must have a limit…. or something….I just broke down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still don’t quite understand why I “lost my marbles” at Pangkor but basically what happened was I literally broke down..sobbing, snot everywhere, hard to breathe, you know the drill. Thankfully I was able to keep some dignity….this happened late at night aboard Slow Flight with just Trevor and I. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt, at the time, I had lost something…like my soul…or my independance…or myself?! I had an incredible strong need to travel by myself to gain confidence again, push my personal limits, be anonymous, be awed by nature again and experience the kindness of human nature with people whom I would not know their language but by instead, our actions to one another….in other words…find me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I believe my need to be\/travel by myself was just to reconnect with me, without Trevor or the boat. We become so much a part of each other, boat included, that I had become the boat, the trip, the weather, and somewhere along the line lost who I am…sounds crazy right? I use to travel to the Washington\/Oregon coast by myself once a year back when I was in my 20’s…Just me on the beach and the ocean, and probably a bottle of wine in the pouring rain… that is what I wanted at Pangkor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You are probably thinking to yourself…”Self..isn’t that what she is doing right now, being out there…finding herself?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes …you are correct… mostly. But it’s bigger than just ME…..even those feelings I felt in Pangkor…it’s more about purpose.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n I often ask myself and Trevor, “what are we doing out here?” but usually that is right after a boat part breakdown or storm of sort…this time, in Pangkor, the question felt different…from inside, not just a reaction. At the time, it felt like “floating out here” just wasn’t quite enough for me…I know…how ungrateful that sounds…but it was true at the moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t get me wrong…we both feel incredibly fortunate to have even been financially able to untie the lines and get this far. We are additionally grateful for all help and support, both at home and the wonderful people we have meet…seriously life long friends and memories that will keep me smiling for decades. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It is more than just seeing a cool thing out here like the photos we show… sometimes the experiences you have don’t make an impression on you or you don’t realize how much that experience influenced you until much later. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Our experience building the school in Lombok was the hardest manual work I have done in over a decade. Exhausted everyday, dirty, sweaty, back breaking work….it was the best memory and time I have had to date of our sailing years. Why? It gave me purpose, and Trevor too (we talked about it). We worked flawlessly, united, full of energy and with great cause…we do make a great team!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lombok gave me not only a glimpse of what it was to work since I left my job 3 years ago, but also an empty feeling later, surprisingly. Now I am feeling a sense of fear that I would not be able to reconcile this incredible feeling we had in Lombok with an earning income job back home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I know I am not the only one or the first one who has felt this way and of course not the last. I guess I am choosing to talk about it here to show and remind myself and others that out here we are still human…going through real feelings and we are not always drinking mai tais on beautiful beaches. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I promise, I won’t go on too much longer…. as I write we are great… nothing stays the same forever…and this too passed..but still in the back of my mind. Sometimes I still struggle with what my purpose is out here or even grander…when we get back home. Time will tell…. I am hopeful and will be patient…I promise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thanks for listening : )<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So there will be no photos to illustrate all the fun and the glamorous life we live on Slow Flight[…]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-malaysia"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVSN-1oj","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5351"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5351\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5353,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5351\/revisions\/5353"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5351"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svslowflight.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}